I just returned from a few days in Breckenridge, Co and I spent some quality time thinking about my journey with Multiple Myeloma cancer. I was at the “Mayo Spa” again in April 2023 and had another wonderful visit with my Dr. and the test results were great. When I asked him how long was the average stem cell remission? he said about 4 years. Of course, I replied that I would be one of the outliers and looking at 10 years, so I figure I am halfway there. But I also have enough ” frozen stem cells” to do it all over again….twice…if needed.

I continue to see my Dr. in Denver every month, as that is a requirement for my maintenance immuno-therapy med. Every month I get a blood draw and we review about 30 results and last month was “normal” and I am always excited to hear that! I was thinking about my blood draws in the past 6 years and I am over 70 times and that does not include the time in the Rochester, while going through the stem cell transplant. It is part of life now and I think I am lucky to have the ability to monitor this “condition” because it also keeps me healthier and keeps me in the moment.

What I do know is that if I have to do it again in the future, I will need to be strong and healthy to accomplish the same outcome, so that is a driving force to be active and pay attention. I make an effort to treat each morning as a blessing and take a positive attitude to the day and that can be a challenge; but this is my goal.

I was so inspired by the beauty of the fall aspen gold colors in the mountains! Nature gives us incredible beauty every day. The sunrise, the sunset, the moon rising, the leaves changing colors, the pines with new growth, and throw in a dusting of a first snow and it was like my first time seeing it. Exhilarating and complex and ever changing; just like every day when I wake up!

So grateful to ” wake up” and be able to express my gratitude for my family, my friends, my adventures, my pups, my job. I LOVE my life and I believe my MM diagnosis and the fact that I live with it daily keeps me grounded and appreciative of the moments I am given each day.

As I read through my blog I was reminded of massive amount of support and love you all sent to me on my adventure and again, I have to SAY THANK YOU!

LIVE- LAUGH – LOVE

XO

As I sit in this beautiful home in north western Washington, an airbnb house, I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the love in my life! My girlfriends, my husband, my kids and their extended families! I visited my oncologist , on March 31st for my annual check in. The “cancer” is under control- actually testing out “normal” for day 1748 or 4 years from stem cell transplant.

As I has not seen Dr. Dingli in a year, I was touched and surprised that he greeted me with the announcement that it had been 1748 days since transplant! I was touched and impressed that he remembered how important the number of days were to me. AND it also reminded me that I had lost track of the number of days…

I have spent the last 3 days immersed in deep conversations with 4 girlfriends on this weekend getaway. We have not spent time together for 5 years, together. We genuinely care for each other and respect our different perspectives on life. it is a true test of appreciation for a different point of view, different ages perspectives, and the deep love for emotional connections. To be heard. To be accepted, To share dreams and goals. To share great moments of laughter!

We have been playing conversation card games to uncover deeper meaning to our own personal lives but also to share these in a safe space.

WOW! What a blessing to come together with friends to share these moments!

One of the questions tonight was “ what do I fear and why?” We all take turns answering. I thought deep & long about this question and I came up with nothing. After being diagnosed with multiple myeloma and taking the journey to stem cell transplant to remission, every day is a blessing. Blessing… A Gift…. To spend one more day with family, with friends, with new people that I have the ability to create a connection with. It is about sharing a little kindness, a little love, a little insight into the uncontrollable forces of nature and the spiritual beings we believe in.

Cherish the moment, work hard to be present in that moment. It is my challenge to myself and to anyone who may take a minute to read this. Notice the small things, those things, those comments, the soft breeze through your hair, the slight scent of the pine as you walk through the trees… whenever and wherever you are, please take a second to be present in that moment.

Thank you for being a part of my life journey!!

There is a common philosophy that we should be present in the moment and live each day as it is our last and that is why I have a count of the days since my stem cell transplant. March 14 2018 was the date I got a “new birthday”. ( AND I get to share the date with a BFF Kym, so that’s cool )

With the new norm we are living in, I had to do a annual review of my medical status with my Mayo Clinic Dr. Dingli over the phone. I did a couple lab tests here and we transferred info to him. That was fantastic because I did not have to drive across Nebraska in March! Which no one in their right mind would choose to do….

I am Super excited to say my body is just as healthy as my mind. Now I say that because I focus on mind power and positive energy and all the wonderful, natural things I can do to keep my body going. Some skeptics might not truly believe in the power of the mind, but in my little world, it is powerful and proven to improve my daily quality of life.

Shout out to my sister, Connee, for her consistent and confident approach to her new “norm”. We are amazing sources of power for each other, XO.

So this covid-10 dilemma has allowed the planet – everyone in the world- to take a breath and slow down. Whether we like it or not, I see incredibly beautiful things everyday. Families actually have time to get to know each other! Friends are finding that daily connections mean more than they did 2 months ago. It won’t be long before a lot of us go back to our busy daily routines but I hope I hang on to this feeling of compassion, gratitude, and observation. Take a deep breath and look at a tree or a bird. Really listen to the sounds of the birds. Or look for a bunny and watch it dart back and forth in the backyard. How incredibly lucky we are to have nature outside our front door with so many lessons to teach us.

Ok, I will let you in on my secret, for the “off the wall” thoughts above. I took my 2 dogs to a dog park for the 6:30 sunrise exercise. Since this stay at home deal started, I met a man and his dog Levon there. Yes, we practice social distancing… but he has been going there for years and shares his history with me about 2 magpie bird couples that have nests there. Today a crow was antagonizing one of the them, which we assume is the mom and she was having no part of it, and protecting her eggs.

Seriously, I wonder if 2 months ago I would have been open to “just be” in that moment for 10 minutes? That is probably a no, since I was driving all over Co and putting in 12 hour days, what a NUT, I am.

What a fab way to start a Saturday morning!!

And Yes, cancer can take a back seat to my daily thoughts now that my 3 doctors all agree; I am an A+ student of multiple myeloma.

I love that day 545 is just as great as day -7… the week before my stem cell transplant. Every morning I wake and feel blessed to watch a sunrise and realize life is right in front of me. This journey, my journey, has taught me more than I could have imagined and fills me with desire to learn more and experience more everyday. I continue to absorb knowledge wherever I can and feel empowered to be able to help my mother, who is 94 years old, with her new health battles. 2-3 years ago, before my diagnosis, I was not equipped to handle this, but now it is “my new norm”. ( a term I am borrowing from Michael since their 2nd baby was born)

I was listening to a song by Tim McGraw today, called “Live like you were dying”, which inspires me and is so true to my spirit, my life, my mantra. I believe every day is a gift and it can be taken away at any time, so no more wasted moments. I don’t know what the future weeks will be like for my mom, as she fights through rehab, but I do know I will be by her side. I am in great health and have plenty of capacity so bring it on.

I was walking my dog tonight and it was a beautiful sunset and almost a full moon in the sky. Then I had a text chat with one of my girlfriends and it left me with a smile. This incredible warm feeling of friendship that withstands time and a thousand miles stayed with me over the past 3 hours. How lucky am I to have genuine, supportive, energy and inspiration available to me when I need it. Karen, I owe you!

“Balance”

I am going to end on that word for now, because it deserves more thought than I have left to give.

Today was an incredible 12 hours of juggling: Dr’s, work calls, meetings, e-mails, texts, 200 miles in the car, husband, mom, friend texts, dog walk and even AGT. What a great day!! And a gorgeous hummingbird pic for fun.

I was thinking about the power of the mind and positive energy over the past week and the ability to control emotional choices. After going through a stem cell transplant, my immune system was wiped out. But as it rebuilds, its like being a child all over again and I need to challenge it a bit, so it can learn how to heal itself. The week after Thanksgiving was tough with a horrible sore throat, cold, etc… ending in loss of voice for a few days. Although I pushed on and worked hard that week, I kept telling myself to heal: “make good blood” is my evening thought before falling asleep.

I believe it and 7 days later feeling great!

When I was in college I read a book called stress for success and it talks about good and bad stress and my reality is that stress is totally a function of belief. Physical stress and mental stress exercise my body and mind. Learning to be aware of stress and turning it into positive energy is my daily challenge.

I learned so much from my reiki coach last year and thankful for her guidance. She taught me to be aware of my random thoughts constantly coming and going and how to quiet them and let them pass by, without disrupting my emotions. And that is not easy but doable, if I acknowledge them.

My closest friends have reminded me over the past few weeks that I do have cancer and I do need to take time off to rest, because I am back to my longer, intense work filled days. Thank goodness I have them to support me! It is easy when I am feeling so healthy or ” normal” or A+, as my Dr. put it, to go to a place of denial.

Enough rambling… just felt the need to remind myself that it had been 8 months since day zero and I am thankful for every moment of this adventure!

I fell back into my normal routine pretty fast after coming home on April 1st but struggled with being patient enough to rest and balance work and play. I had made a goal before the transplant to ski one more time before the season ended and I made it to Loveland Ski Resort on the last day, May 6th!

I was a bit anxious going down the first run; just over thinking all of it and the “what if I crash” scenario. But then my attitude switched into the “What? Of course I’m skiing, and I am strong enough to manage it ! This is what I love, I was in my happy place, at 12,000 ft and views from the Continental Divide”.

The lessons I have learned from my past 18 months are things like these:

*I pay attention to my mind and body and give it the fuel and rest it deserves.

*I take advice from the experts and follow a medical routine, but I also trust my instincts, because no one knows me, better than myself.

*I continue my education and research on this condition every week. I am my best advocate.

* I challenge my Doctors and push them to give me their opinions on current and new treatments and medications.

* I try to prioritize things happening every day to maximize energy and efficiency but this is not easy. And take time to connect with my husband, kids, friends & family.

* I am re-inventing my outlook and approach in my job and my goals. It seems easy but it takes effort to slow down, be in the moment with each person I meet during the day and to really listen and make that time special and memorable.

* I have amazing friends, loving siblings, incredible kids, my best friend is my husband, and 2 adorable dogs, so I need to pay attention and nourish these relationships. Every day is another opportunity for me to connect and be thankful.

I definitely need to catch up on some details of this journey! I don’t know why I dropped off the blog for the past 10 days but I guess I just needed some time to deal with it all.

I came home on Easter Sunday and the first week home was a total detox and a rollercoaster of emotions and physical adjustment to being back home.  What I did not realize when I was in Rochester and going through the process, was how busy I was.  The outpatient program is great because it keeps you moving.  During my first meeting with Dr. Dingli, from the Mayo Clinic, he gave me this advice, ” All I want you to do is Drink, Eat, Move and Smile ”   I took that to heart and everyday concentrated on these 4 things.  And moved A LOT.

When I settled in at home, I found that it was really quiet and very relaxing.  I broke out my pencils and coloring books and the Simon memory game and started using all of the fun gifts you all sent to me, for my R & R in between the work emails and phone calls.  One day I had great energy and didn’t feel like I was overdoing it because I didn’t go anywhere, other than a walk around the neighborhood.  But then the next day I would be really slow and tired and my energy level was off.  Then, of course, I thought I should just bounce back and it wasn’t happening.  Friday I called the Nurse station back at Mayo to review the week and I was kindly reminded that my body was working overtime to re-build my immune system and this was completely normal and expected but, she offered some hope that each week, the good days would start to out-number the crummy days.   I knew it but it was still frustrating.  When they gave me all of the IV’s of steroids and potassium and who knows what else, it would just take time for me to filter that all of out of my system.  I also realized that I did not do the prep work for “after” the transplant and the release.  All I remembered from the discharge appointment was that I had no restrictions!   Excellent, but not quite the reality.  One day I went for a long walk and it felt so good but then 1/2 hour later, I crashed.   I just had no routine for that first week home and it obviously made it tougher for me to deal with. Emotionally I was happy with the early release and being home but I had to slow down and that is not something I am not used to doing.  So I was getting frustrated with myself.  But then I would get these wonderful reminders from friends and family to “Relax and take it slow”  Those were super helpful to read.

After the first 7 days home, I started sleeping better each night and then I am figuring out how to maintain my energy throughout the day.  I also got myself back to eating the right meals and built my new routine.  I only have a few meds now and a couple vitamins but it still takes some time to organize when they are taken and with or without food, etc.  and figuring that out helps keep my stomach feel better. I also realized that if I take a little extra time to relax, first thing in the morning, it is a much better way to start the day versus a straight shot to work email with a coffee!  And taking a short break from the laptop every couple of hours is especially helpful.

I was talking to a few friends about getting back to work and how important the balance in our daily lives is.  It can be easy to get overwhelmed with work but bottom line is we all need to continually strive for a balance between work and family and friends.  I love what I do for work and I have so many fantastic customers, that it is also a great distraction from this medical journey.   The last couple of days have been 100% better than the same time last week, so I on the right path now.

 

Last Sunday, Easter Sunday, Jim and I and the 2 dogs left Rochester about 8:00 and drove straight back to Denver. The weather was seriously cold, with a high of only 28 all the way across Iowa and Nebraska! But there was no snow and little traffic so it was as easy a 14 hour drive can be!

Tomorrow would be the original target date of Day 21. Thank goodness I beat that by 5 days. It was worth the hard work and commitment while I was there at the Mayo Clinic.

We pulled into our house after 10:00 pm, sore and exhausted but it has never felt better to walk into our house and into my own bed. Sleep is still really broke up, a couple hours and up and so on.

Monday was awesome! Felt refreshed, walked around the house telling everything how much I loved it… floor, carpet, windows, bed, bathrooms… you get the idea. We had built it new and moved in Dec. 22, so barely got in unpacked and decorated before I left it for the month of March. It even smells new AND my Dr.’s think I am a genius for scheduling this transplant in March. Cold in MN and nothing growing there to cause allergies or germs outside and then come home to a sterile, new house to recuperate in. Nice, huh?

I have had 2 days now to reflect and try to start understand what got me through this do easily and quickly. I truly do believe in the power of the mind and the willingness to accept an attitude that makes it all worthwhile and a joy to look back on. I realize this is not easy to achieve and I worked very diligently over the past 1 1/2 years to get here. I read a lot of books, practiced mindfulness and relaxation techniques. I had many sessions of acupuncture and a lot of “happy hours” with Nicola, Polly, Alisia, and Kimberly to discuss life and the curve balls and how to deal with them and how to always, always look forward to the next event. Something special in the future always keeps me moving forward, so I never dwelled on the mm, as being something bad. It is now a part of me and I have accepted it and I am knowledgeable so it isn’t something I fear.

And I am very tired and still need quite a bit if catch up. Exactly what the Mayo team told me. “Go home and rest, sleep is a great way to heal and replenish.”

Sweet dreams 💤💤💤

When we arrived in Rochester at the beginning of March, that first Saturday we met up with my son Michael and his wife Jeanna, in Eagan, Mn, to do some shopping and lunch before treatment started. It was a great day!

Then totally unplanned, since I was released on Friday, we met up again with them and my son, Andrew, to go shopping and have lunch! It was a deju moment and I actually felt physically the same – great- at both! I find that alone to be so crazy. There were 3 weeks in between of treatments and drugs but after all was done, I felt exactly the same – Fabulous!

We are driving back to Co. Now.

Before I forget to put this in writing, I need to add this short blog update.

Goal 1– Skiing at Loveland Pass – I need to get back to Loveland for another ski day before the mountains close this season.  I am thinking I should  be ready to go in 3 weeks.  Jim and Andrew, let’s plan a day now and get it on the calendar!  Nicola- maybe you guys could join us ??

Goal 2 – President’s Club – Still have 60 days left to pull this off and since I am feeling so good and I got the early release, anything is possible!  Katie, I am going to need your continued support to crunch numbers, while I close deals and Lori, you’re my girl, Let’s get it done!   I can’t imagine missing this year since Lori P. and Jill will be there, we are a team and need to celebrate together!